Have you ever had someone say something to you, and suddenly you're upset? Maybe it was a small comment. Maybe they didn't mean anything by it. You tell yourself to let it go, but the feeling stays with you. You know you're overreacting, but knowing that doesn't stop the reaction.
Why does that happen? Why can something so small produce such a big emotional response?
You're not broken, you're just running a program.
Your brain captures information from your experiences. It learns from what happened, how you felt, and what those experiences meant to you. Then it uses that stored information to produce your reactions today. Sometimes the response makes sense for what's happening now. Other times, you're reacting from something your brain learned years ago.
That's why understanding your problem and changing your problem are two different things.
Your Brain Learned Something, and It's Still Using It
Think about a child sitting in a classroom. The teacher asks a question, the child gives the wrong answer, and everybody laughs. The child feels embarrassed and wishes they could disappear.
Years later, that same person is sitting in a meeting at work. The boss asks a question, and suddenly the person feels uncomfortable. They know they're not a child anymore. They know nobody is going to punish them for giving the wrong answer. But the fear is there, and they don't want to speak.
What's producing that fear?
The meeting isn't the classroom. The boss isn't the teacher. But something about the experience reminds the brain of what happened before, and the old program starts running.
The unconscious isn't logical. It operates from the information your brain has stored and the meanings attached to your experiences. It doesn't stop to reason that you're older now or that the circumstances are different.
Logically understanding all that doesn't change anything.
You can explain where the fear started. You can understand what happened in childhood and why certain situations bother you. But if the old memory still produces the same emotional response, understanding alone hasn't changed what's happening inside.
And that's where the work begins.
Why Do We Call It Emotional Healing?
People often use the word healing because they're hurting. They're carrying memories of things that happened years ago, and those memories still affect how they feel today.
But here's the question I want you to consider: What are we actually changing?
We're not going back and changing what happened. You can't change the event itself. What you can work on changing is how you experience that memory today.
In my work, we identify the memories and stored information connected to an emotional response. We work to dissipate the emotional charge and update the meanings associated with those experiences.
You don't have to pretend something wonderful happened when it didn't. If someone hurt you, that happened. If you lost somebody you loved, that loss was real.
The question is whether you have to keep experiencing the same emotional reaction every time the memory comes up.
You can remember what happened without experiencing it in exactly the same way.
Coping With a Reaction Isn't the Same as Changing It
Let's say there's someone in your family who always seems to upset you. Every time you visit, you prepare yourself. You tell yourself not to react, avoid certain conversations, and try to stay calm.
You get through the visit. But when you go home, you're still upset. You replay what happened, think about what you should have said, and promise yourself that next time you'll handle things differently.
Then the next visit comes, and the same thing happens.
You can become very good at managing your reactions. You can avoid situations, distract yourself, or find ways to calm down. Sometimes those things help you get through the day.
But have you changed what's producing the reaction?
That's the difference between coping and changing.
In FasterEFT™, we work with the memories and stored information associated with the emotional response. Instead of spending all our time trying to control the reaction, we identify what's producing it and work on changing it.
You change the memory, you change your behavior. You change the memory, you change your life.
That's the principle behind the work. The event remains part of your history, but the way you experience it can change.
Nicola's Story: Seeing Herself Differently
I want to share something Nicola said about her experience with FasterEFT™.
When Nicola spoke at a training, she remembered an earlier experience in Las Vegas when she'd spent her time looking down at her feet. Later, when she spoke again, she noticed something different.
"So this is a change. I actually see people's faces."
That was something she could recognize in herself.
Nicola also talked about how she'd wanted to help other people change their lives and be happy. Looking back, she recognized that she'd wanted those things for herself, too.
She described noticing changes over time, even when she hadn't always recognized much happening during individual sessions.
Then she said:
"I love my life, and I love myself. And I was never able to say that up until probably the last year."
Those are Nicola's words about her own experience. Individual experiences and results vary.
What I want you to notice is that she wasn't simply describing how she managed an uncomfortable moment. She was talking about differences she recognized in how she experienced herself and her life.
Watch Nicola Share Her Experience
What Does Tapping Have to Do With Changing Memories?
You may have seen somebody using FasterEFT™ and wondered why they're tapping on their face or body. What does that have to do with something that happened twenty or thirty years ago?
Tapping is one of the tools we use.
First, we identify the problem and notice the emotional response. We pay attention to what's happening inside and recognize the feelings or memories connected to it. Then, as part of the process, we shift our focus away from the problem while tapping.
"We just use it as one of the tools."
The larger work is about changing the information your brain uses to produce the response. We're not simply teaching you how to tolerate an uncomfortable feeling or how to distract yourself every time it appears.
The goal is to work with the old programming so your responses can change.
And this isn't just something you do during a session. It's a different way of understanding your reactions and working with what you've learned from your experiences.
What Can You Do When an Old Reaction Shows Up?
The next time something upsets you, notice what happens.
Maybe someone doesn't return your call, and you feel rejected. Maybe somebody questions something you said, and you suddenly feel embarrassed or angry.
Ask yourself: Have I felt this before? What does this remind me of? Where have I experienced something like this?
Instead of spending all your time trying to figure out what's wrong with the other person, start noticing what's happening inside you.
The purpose isn't to blame yourself for what happened. It's to recognize the reaction and identify what you can work on changing.
You don't have to spend the rest of your life fighting every uncomfortable feeling or trying to convince yourself not to react.
You can learn to identify the old programs and work on changing them.
Learning to Make Peace With Your Past
If you've spent years trying to understand why you feel the way you do, ask yourself something.
Has understanding the problem actually changed the reaction?
If the same situations keep bringing up the same feelings, there's something more to work on than explaining why it happens.
Your brain learned from your experiences. Some of that learning has been useful. Some of it is producing reactions you don't want anymore.
The work is learning how to identify and change the information connected to those reactions.
You're not broken, you're just running a program. And you can learn how to change the program.
Learn More About Calm & Reset
If you want to learn more about Robert's approach to emotional responses, memories, and changing old patterns, explore the Calm & Reset program from Skills to Change Institute.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Why do I still react emotionally to things that happened years ago?
Your brain captures and stores information from experiences, including the feelings and meanings associated with them. When something today reminds you of an earlier experience, an old emotional response can appear. In Robert's teaching, the work involves identifying the memories and learned information associated with that response and working to change them.
2. Can you change emotional reactions without changing what happened in the past?
You can't change the event, but you can work on changing how you experience the memory today. Robert's approach focuses on the emotional charge and meanings connected to stored experiences. The aim is to change the response rather than continue experiencing the memory in the same way.
3. What's the difference between coping with emotions and changing emotional patterns?
Coping helps you manage an emotional response when it happens. Changing an emotional pattern involves working with the memories and learned information associated with that response. Robert emphasizes changing what's producing the reaction rather than relying only on strategies for managing it.
4. How does FasterEFT™ use tapping to work with emotional memories?
Tapping is one tool used within the FasterEFT™ approach. The process involves identifying a problem and its emotional response, then shifting focus away from the problem while tapping. Robert teaches that the broader work involves changing the stored information and meanings associated with the response.
5. Why doesn't understanding my childhood automatically change how I feel?
Understanding an experience and changing the emotional response associated with it aren't the same thing. You can know where a fear or reaction began and still experience it today. Robert's approach emphasizes working with the memory and learned information rather than relying on logical understanding alone.
Robert Gene Smith
Founder, Skills to Change Institute
Creator of eutaptics® FasterEFT™
Educational note: This article describes Robert Gene Smith's teaching approach. Individual experiences vary. The content is educational and is not a substitute for medical or mental health care when needed.
